He was the adult in this situation. You were only a little girl. Probably taught to obey your elders, probably taught that adults know better. And probably anxious to please the adults in your life. Abusers count on this, they depend on their victims being compliant, on following instructions from adults.

You were just a child, no matter your “tween” status. And as such, you are considered unable to give consent by any accepted standard — legal or moral. There is nobody who can hold you accountable for any part of what happened to you. Nobody.

So lay your question to rest, and never second guess yourself about it again. I hope you leave this place knowing two things: yes, it absolutely was rape, and no matter what he may have told you or what you may have heard or thought since, you are not to blame.

And thank you for your question. It’s one that I’m certain has plagued many victims in your situation. Hopefully some of them will read this and find their own answers, their own peace. As I hope you have.

Thank you for sharing, and I wish you all the best as you move forward in all your life’s endeavors.

Yes, it was still rape. Even if you went along with it.

My abuse started when I was in high school, and led up to intercourse between high school and college. I was coerced into participating in acts that made me feel shameful and dirty both before and after I lost my virginity. I felt powerless to simply walk away or say no because of the control my abuser had on me. Even if I did say no, chances were good that he would be smooth enough to talk me into whatever it was I initially protested about. I didn’t really have a way out, from my perspective. It was abuse, and like Amy, it took me a LONG time to realize that it was abuse, to call it that, and to start coping with the effects it had on my heart and my spirit.

I am glad you posted this, and it reiterates to me to have another talk with my 9 year old about how her body belongs to her.