Comments on: Wednesday Q&A: Is it rape if I was drunk?

By: JJD

JJD — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 22:09:45 +0000

I think the issue for most women including myself in most of these crimes is… Can a women give consent while drunk? In the medical field we will not allow anyone patient to sign consent if under the influence they must be sober and coherent. How can any person give consent while under the influence? If I were a man and because of the possibility of charges for rape. I would want a women to be sober to give consent not take my chances. Take into consideration that if you cant give consent because of alcohol and or drugs that one can allow another to pass on a deadly STD. No one consents to getting an injection of HIV or Hepatitis while drunk.

By: maggie, dammit

maggie, dammit — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 13:51:05 +0000

This is an old post, originally published in July 2009. If you need support today regarding rape or sexual assault, please contact RAINN’s safe line at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).

By: Hannah

Hannah — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 01:04:51 +0000

Hello, I have been very confused about something which happened to me in February this year. Basically i had been dating a guy since the November before, it had always been a very much sexually based relationship. But i liked him alot and was hoping of it becoming official. Although one night i had been out drinking and had bumped into him on that night with his friends. Ended up going home with him which was a normal thing to do. We decided to get more drink on the way home, so i polished off almost another bottle of wine. I remember the guy i’ll refer to as steve making suggestions of a threesome with which i was like no way- in a laughing at him for suggesting it. but he kept bringing it up and i kept saying its not happening. A couple of the guys went to bed and then i suddenly found myself on my own in the living area so went in the bedrooms looking for them. found steve and a couple the others chilling on the bed and i remember saying can we go to bed but the rest is a blur, i feel like i blacked out. i can recall steve taking my top off and comments like ‘get involved’ to the others, and i have a couple of frozen images from that night. i woke up in his bed, covered in bruises and bite marks. i remember texting him apologising that morning for a reason i do not know why. but i couldn’t hold it together in uni that day my friends could see that i was physically shaking and in pain. my friends have told me that they think this was what happened to me, i just cant bring myself to write the word or say it. i almost want someone to tell me what it was but still cant believe that that would happen to me. only a few friends and my sister who is a lot older know, but i have never been able to say what it was that happened because i cant remember. i still bump into the guy regularly, we say hi to each other but i dont know why, almost like pretending it never happened. but i wonder if this was what happened would i be able to say hi to him ? but when i do see him i feel physically that my body reacts, mainly feeling sick. i just dont know what to do or what to think. it is something i think about everyday. sorry this is long if someone does read this.

By: dee dee

dee dee — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 15:02:53 +0000

Hi Denise, i just wanted to say your not alone, im going through a similar situation, i’ve told my friends and they tell me that i consented, but i find myself crying and feeling empty. I spoke to my doctor about it and he believes i was sexually assault, i believe something isnt right if you feel horrible, thats a sign that your mind, body and soul, is trying to tell you something.

By: Denise

Denise — Sat, 03 Sep 2011 23:29:46 +0000

Hello, I am confused too about a certain situation that happened to me, I am not sure whether to call it rape. I told some of my friends about it and most of them say it wasn’t rape. Some people say being drunk is a stupid excuse because you “know” what you are doing. And sometimes I believe them, but there is something deep inside that makes me go against what they said. Last week I “pre-gamed” before heading to a party with a girlfriend of mine. Afterwards, we met up with an acquaintance of mine and his group of friends. Although I could walk fine, I knew I was very drunk. Before this day, the acquaintance-lets call him Mike-and I had been texting. He seemed like a really nice guy and I was into him. On the day of the pre-game, he told me that his roommate was bringing his girlfriend over, and so he had nowhere to stay. Being the naive girl that I am, i told him that since my roomate wasnt here, he could stay in my place. I had NO INTENTIONS to have sex with him. We ended up not going to a party and we went to my girlfriends dorm to take some shots. Although he took some, he was perfectly fine, and he told me to take more shots. We then left the place together and went to my dorm. I was perfectly okay with kissing him but that is all I wanted. When we got to my place, I found myself having sex with him. I was the one who initiated it but I didnt want to do it at all, it was as if my mind was somewhere else. When he left later that morning, I felt horrible. Is this really my fault?

By: angela

angela — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 02:33:47 +0000

the same thing happened to me except for people watched, my best friend as a matter of a fact, and they took pictures. i tried to say no but i couldnt talk. it is still under investigation. sometimes i wish i wouldve never reported it.

By: Rose

Rose — Tue, 17 May 2011 09:12:13 +0000

To whomever asked this question. Thanks, because I was wondering too. Your situation was identical to mine. I would never have consented, even though he was my friend. I know he knew what was happening more than I did.

By: maggie, dammit

maggie, dammit — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 15:02:27 +0000

Hello, all.

The number one search phrase that leads people to Violence UnSilenced is “was it still rape if I was drunk?” The number one phrase. That’s how many people are wondering, aching, Googling, desperate. Isn’t that staggering?

Yes, it is still rape if you were drunk. Yes it is.

I urge any of you who are questioning to call this hotline: 1-800-656-4673. The call is free, and totally private.

This website is also an excellent start: http://www.rainn.org/

Rape is not your fault. You are not alone.

Please call the hotline. Please.

By: maggie, dammit

maggie, dammit — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 14:59:27 +0000

Mica, I urge you to call this hotline: 1-800-656-4673. The call is free, and totally private. This is a really good website, too: http://www.rainn.org/

You were absolutely raped, it was not your fault, and you are not alone.

Please, please call that number and they will help you. Please.

By: Mica

Mica — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 03:40:32 +0000

I need Help… My cousin came in to town with his eleven year old son. My boyfriend, my cousin’s best friend, was there too. We’d spent the Saturday watching baseball. That night we went to my best friend’s birthday party without my boyfriend because he was passed out from drinking all day. We had a great time dancing at the party. We came back, and my boyfriend was awake. They are fraternity brothers and were wild back in the days, apparently. There’s always been competition between them. My cousin wanted to go out to the bar. Said he’d go alone if he had to. I opted out because I was exhausted, and I don’t like to get wasted. My boyfriend made me feel guilty about letting my cousin go out alone in my town, so I went. He ordered Rumpleminz, and I lost my memory very quickly. I don’t remember leaving the bar, or walking to my house, or anything. Until I “awoke” to my cousin fucking me in the hot tub. I remember asking him if it was okay, and he said that it was just energy. I protested, and kicked him off, and curled up into a ball in the corner of the tub, and he would grab me. I know that he didn’t hurt me. He didn’t throw me around to get me into the hot tub. I had to be functional enough to get into the hot tub, but i can’t remember anything. The next morning, my boyfriend just knew. Called me an abomination. Called my cousin a predator who knew exactly what he was doing. I am rotting inside. I don’t know what to do. I would never have wanted that. I would never have allowed it. I often feel like I’m the most wretched person alive. Besides him. Please, I need to hear someone else’s take on this. I feel like I’m going down a very wrong path…