Wednesday Q&A: As a survivor, am I ready to volunteer?
QUESTION:
I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse perpetrated by a family member. I am now in my 30s, in a loving and committed relationship with someone who values and respects me, and I have worked hard to create a healthy and fulfilling life as an adult. I have been thinking about volunteering for my local women’s center, which helps women who have experienced sexual abuse and domestic violence. It’s an issue I care deeply about, but I’m not entirely sure I could handle it. So, I guess this is my question: As a survivor, how do you know if you’re ready to volunteer to help others?
ANSWER:
Congratulations on building such a healthy life for yourself and with your partner! And good for you for wanting to use your time and energy to help women in crisis. This is a question many survivors wonder about — and it’s a very healthy question to consider.
It’s clear this is something that is very important to you. And it sounds like many years have passed since your abuse occurred. This is an important detail. Most sexual assault and domestic violence programs suggest survivors wait at least a year (and often longer) after their abuse has ended before thinking about volunteering, to avoid becoming retraumatized.
A helpful first step for you might be to call your local women’s center and talk with their volunteer coordinator. Questions you can ask include:
1. What kinds of volunteer opportunities are available? In addition to working directly with clients, most women’s centers offer clerical and other in-direct service opportunities, too — like volunteering in the office, helping with fund-raising events, speaking to community groups to raise awareness, helping with the newsletter, writing letters to the editor, etc. You could consider trying one of these positions first. If you feel successful and comfortable, you could then think about transitioning to direct-service work with other survivors.
In addition, ask what types of direct-service volunteer opportunities they offer. It may be that while certain client populations may be difficult for you, others might feel like a good fit. For example, at the domestic violence shelter in my community, we have volunteers who don’t feel comfortable working in our children’s program because of the emotions that would trigger for them. But they are comfortable volunteering on the crisis line, because the population being helped and the degree of personal involvement required matches what they need to feel safe and comfortable.
2. What kind of volunteer training do you provide? Most crisis-based women’s centers provide fairly intensive training for new volunteers, before you ever work with clients (for example, our domestic violence program requires 40 hours of training, and our local rape crisis center requires 20 hours). The best training programs include role-playing exercises, too, designed to mimic real-life interactions with clients. Not only does training equip you with what you need to be an effective volunteer, it also acts as a trial period that allows you to determine whether the work feels like an emotionally appropriate fit.
3. What kinds of ongoing support do you offer volunteers? Most rape crisis and domestic violence programs offer ways for volunteers to check in with one another, process how they’re feeling, and talk about the challenges, stresses and joys of their work, all in a safe, supportive space. For survivors who go on to become volunteers, this ongoing support can be critical.
One final note: It’s important to gauge your feelings of comfort and safety — if your gut is telling you that a certain type of volunteer work is too much or too difficult, step back and consider other, safer ways to feel involved.
Good luck to you!
Please exercise the same safe, supportive, non-judgmental restraint in the comment section of the Q&A as you do for survivors, as many of them are reading.
Our volunteer expert, Carrie K., is a trained advocate who has worked with survivors of domestic abuse and sexual assault, as well as their families and friends. Her background includes hotline advocacy, community education, and awareness and prevention programming around issues of domestic violence and sexual assault. She currently works for a domestic violence intervention and prevention program in Wisconsin. She blogs at rageisgood.blogspot.com
If you have something you have always wanted to know about domestic violence and/or sexual assault, please email your question to carrie [at] violenceunsilenced [dot] com.
Thank you for visiting Violence UnSilenced, a speak-out platform for survivors of domestic abuse, sexual assault, and sexual abuse. If you are a survivor and it is safe to do so, we encourage you to share your story here. If you are not a survivor but you want to support those who are, please click around this site and find out more about what you can do.
Comments
Excellent question!
First, let me echo Carrie's congratulations on rebuilding your life into such a full one. It's always heartwarming to hear survivors who have made it all the way back.
And I admire your willingness to use that experience for the betterment of others who are still on the way back. Being able to talk to someone who's been through it and come out the other side is arguably the best medicine there is for these kinds of wounds.
But I won't blow sunshine up your dress. It's hard, sometimes damned hard. Just in the few months since VU launched, I've gotten a taste of just how hard it can be. And all I've done is read the stories and comment on them. Some of these are hard to read, some of them are harder. Some are like a punch in the gut. None of them are easy. I don' t say that to scare you off, just to give you the benefit of my tiny bit of experience.
Whatever you decide to do, thank you for opening up the question and thanks as always to Carrie for her insights.
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