Melody
He said, “This is going to go according to my plan. You only decide how sore you are going to be in the morning.” I said, “No, I don’t want to do that.” Apparently, that was the wrong answer.
He said, “If you had been here, like you said you would, I wouldn’t have to do this.” I said, “The party was more fun than I thought it would be.”
He said, “Did I tell you you could move?” I said, “I’m cold.” Still not the right answer.
He said, “Are you going to be able to keep from screaming?” I said, “I don’t know, but I’ll try.”
He said, “Are you going to be still, or are you going to make me chase you?” I said, “I’ll be still.” Still not good enough.
He said, “You look almost scared enough. You bite that pillow or whatever you need to do, but if you scream…” And I said, “I won’t, I promise, I won’t scream, I won’t.”
He said, “I really don’t understand why you made me do that to you.” I said, “I’m sorry.”
And I realized there was not ever going to be a right answer.
He said, “This isn’t bad yet, is it? It takes a lot more than that to make you cry. And I know you know better than to scream here. You don’t want me to really hurt you. This is just fun.”
He said, “You’re going to play along like a good girl, or I’m going to shatter your ankle with a baseball bat. Do you want to see the bat?”
He said, “I wonder what would happen if I broke that inside you? I suppose I’d just cut myself when I fucked you.”
I said nothing at all. For five years after he finally left, I said nothing at all. There was no answer, nothing I could say. There was silence and pain.
And then I said, “Something happened to me.”
I said, “I can’t make the memories stop.”
I said, “I’m afraid I deserved it.”
I said, “I don’t have to be scared anymore.”
I said, “No one has ever had the right to treat me like that.”
I said, “I am not what he made me.”
And today, I said, “This is my story. Because it is mine, there are no wrong answers. I refuse to be silent.”
####
Thank you for visiting Violence UnSilenced, a speak-out platform for survivors of domestic abuse, sexual assault, and sexual abuse. If you are a survivor and it is safe to do so, we encourage you to share your story here. If you are not a survivor but you want to support those who are, please click around this site and find out more about what you can do.
Comments
i am sorry that happened to you. i am sorry.
Thank you for having the courage to speak up and share your story.
thank you for sharing that story you are remarkable
You are such an amazing and strong woman! Thank you for not being silent.
There is NOTHING you could have done to deserve that!
You can beat this demon that's been locked up inside. By not remaining silent, the healing can begin. Hang in there, Sweetie!! ((HUGS))
You wrote that so powerfully. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for saying something.
Thank you for sharing your story. You are amazing. <3
Thank you for speaking up.
Hugs to you.
Good for you, for speaking up.
Melody : Violence UnSilenced http://ff.im/-p63r9
RT @PixelProject: Violence Unsilenced: Melody- http://j.mp/aFBn5I #dv #vaw
Violence Unsilenced: Melody- http://j.mp/aFBn5I #dv #vaw
Brilliant. You are beautiful and so, so brave. Much love. xox
There is nothing quite so powerful as one's own voice! I'm glad you discovered that truth. Keep up the good work.
"I said, “I am not what he made me.”
Exactly!
I am happy that you found your voice. Thank you for sharing this story.
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!
Thank you for sharing your story, you are incredibly strong. You are a survivor, a survivor of crimes against you that you did not deserve. I wish you healing and happiness xo
PLS Support: Melody http://bit.ly/bUm9OP
Thank you for sharing your story, it takes courage to finally speak out...and to speak to ourselves, honestly, admitting all the mixed feelings we experience, acknowledging that we still have doubts but also confronting the origin of those doubts.
Keep up the great work
Jenny
Thank you for sharing your beautiful voice.
You took back your voice. I'm so glad you took back your voice.
Good job telling your story, Melody. Glad for you that you are able to tell it.
It was never your fault. You are brave and wonderful and deserve to be treated with respect.
What a horrible story, that you told beautifully.
I am so sorry about what he did to you.
I am so proud of you for taking care of yourself. For knowing you need help and reaching out for support.
You are incredible! And you can do this.
Melody this is such an amazing raw post. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. *HUGS*
Good for you for finding your voice. No one EVER deserves it.
Melody
Thank you for telling your story.
Thank you for refusing the silence.
You are beautiful.
You are incredible, deserving of respect and goodness and light. Thank you for sharing your voice.
Melody,
There are no wrong answers. There are no wrong feelings. By speaking out you have now opened the door to healing, to letting go. To realizing that there is a God that loves you unconditionally!
I'm proud of you.
I am so proud of you! There was a time when your silence was killing you. Since you first broke that silence, your life has formed into one that you DO deserve, one that you made, not him. You are so strong and you do deserve a life free from it all. You are one of great courage and its amazing that you can share that courage with so many in all the many ways you do.
Melody, this is an amazing testament to what happened to you. YOU are amazing.
I am so sorry that you had to endure this. You did not deserve this, not for a minute, not for a second, not at all.
Thank you for sharing your powerful story here. Thank you for being brave.
I wish you peace, and for you to never be silent again.
You are right - NOBODY has the right to treat you that way. Proud of you for refusing to let him keep you silent! Praying for your continued strength.
I'm so glad that you refuse to be silent. You deserve more.
Melody,
In NO way did you deserve this. You are an amazing soul, and you shine beautiful light out into the world. Remember this...always...
Much peace,
Lance
Melody, I am proud of you for speaking out. You have made the right choice...and never, was it ever, your fault.
Rene
I am in awe of your courage.
Good job, Melody. Here's to refusing to be silent! You did a big, good thing here, you brave strong woman.
*hugs*
You are so brave. i am still trying to get the guts to post. I am so proud of you. you have given me more courage than ever to SPEAK OUT. I dont know you but I love you. Thank you for sharing your story.
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
Like