Comments on: Kate http://violenceunsilenced.com/kate-2/ Violence UnSilenced: Shedding light on domestic violence and sexual abuse/assault by giving survivors a voice. Wed, 08 Feb 2012 23:32:24 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Judes http://violenceunsilenced.com/kate-2/#comment-23182 Judes Sun, 06 Mar 2011 01:59:55 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=871#comment-23182 Dear Kate I am new to this web site, so please excuse the delay ( like a year ) your post has touched my soul. It so echoes a lot of what I experienced. My Dad ( I use the term loosely ) abused us 6 girls, all are in denial or have forgiven, whatever freaking term you use to defend. Mine is a long story, but I ultimately cut myself off from him, then he died and cut me from his will, I was not even named, the eldest child, he abused everyone of us girls but chose to cut me. It wasnt the money, it felt like I no longer had a family. It hurt like nothing before. But worst, my sisters refused to acknowledge he cut me out because I was the only one who refused to pretend our childhood was normal, apparrently it was because I never went to see him, we werent really abused, it wasnt how I remembered it, do you know this felt like being abused all over again, I feel like a little girl with no words to express what is happeneing to me, knowing no one will support me. One sister has gone so far as to send me abusive emails and messages defending the perfect Dad and saying therapy made me believe something that had never happened. I've tolerated 3 years of these messages and havent responded. I finally blocked my facebook page and changed my e address and things have somewhat improved. She even accussed my lovely husband of molesting my sisters, totally false as they all confirm, but they wont go so far as to tell her to stop. None of their business apparrently. None of their business she is spreading lies about them ? Funny old world !! Kate I wish I had your courage, the courage to tell my sisters to go take a hike, but so far I cant, you see I was to all intents and purposes,I was their second Mum, the one they all came to for advice and support, they feel like my kids and I feel as if Ive let them down , because if I spoke up then I would have saved them. And Mums cant just stop being Mum can they ? I applaud you Kate, you are braver then me, but Im working on it Dear Kate
I am new to this web site, so please excuse the delay ( like a year ) your post has touched my soul. It so echoes a lot of what I experienced. My Dad ( I use the term loosely ) abused us 6 girls, all are in denial or have forgiven, whatever freaking term you use to defend. Mine is a long story, but I ultimately cut myself off from him, then he died and cut me from his will, I was not even named, the eldest child, he abused everyone of us girls but chose to cut me. It wasnt the money, it felt like I no longer had a family. It hurt like nothing before. But worst, my sisters refused to acknowledge he cut me out because I was the only one who refused to pretend our childhood was normal, apparrently it was because I never went to see him, we werent really abused, it wasnt how I remembered it, do you know this felt like being abused all over again, I feel like a little girl with no words to express what is happeneing to me, knowing no one will support me. One sister has gone so far as to send me abusive emails and messages defending the perfect Dad and saying therapy made me believe something that had never happened. I’ve tolerated 3 years of these messages and havent responded. I finally blocked my facebook page and changed my e address and things have somewhat improved. She even accussed my lovely husband of molesting my sisters, totally false as they all confirm, but they wont go so far as to tell her to stop. None of their business apparrently. None of their business she is spreading lies about them ? Funny old world !!
Kate I wish I had your courage, the courage to tell my sisters to go take a hike, but so far I cant, you see I was to all intents and purposes,I was their second Mum, the one they all came to for advice and support, they feel like my kids and I feel as if Ive let them down , because if I spoke up then I would have saved them. And Mums cant just stop being Mum can they ?
I applaud you Kate, you are braver then me, but Im working on it

]]> By: Marti http://violenceunsilenced.com/kate-2/#comment-9834 Marti Thu, 06 May 2010 18:39:50 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=871#comment-9834 Dear Kate, It is with great sadness and relief that I read your story. I call what happened to me terrorrism. My brother also 5 years older terrorized me from my earliest memory. Sometimes I wish he had just hit me, it would have been easier to deal with I think. Although thankfully, there was no sexual abuse, I can still relate to your feelings of helplessness. My family would not then nor now deal with any of it. He committed suicide at 42, and I cant say i was sad. I'm dealing with that guilt now as I approach my own 42nd birthday with great apprehension. He tried to push me off the roof once, and many times thought he was trying to kill me. He would take things out of my room and then replace them later. He poured 10 lbs of sugar all over my room and I got blamed for it. My mother never once doubted him. I was spanked, beaten, pushed, and told on a daily basis that I was garbage, that mother would never believe me because I was a botched abortion, a mistake. I still live with those feelings today and struggle with fighting them. My sister would play both sides of this and even explained sex to me... which in itself is sick at I think 5 y.o...... If i had any money, it was taken. Anything I showed an interest in or cared for was torn up, or i was put down for it. I did coke, pot, alcohol, vicadin, you name it. I tried suicide myself 3 times, and failed. And when he shot himself (in the heart..... too vain to blow his head off) I was so angry. Angry because he is now forever the hero to my mother. Angry because I will never hear his admission. It tore the few shreds of our family (if you can call it that) apart. I got clean, and tried to start over. I am married now. And have 2 wonderful stepchildren. Thankfully my wife is so understanding about this as she is the only person I completely opened up to about. She encouraged me to go online and find other people that have gone through this. I found your site as a result. Thank you so much for writing your story. And I am profoundly grateful and saddened by it. To this day I am in awe of familys. I realized just last night that I have no idea how this family thing is supposed to work. After this many years I am amazed at how well brothers and sisters really do get along and really do love each other and support each other. I frequently ask my wife is this situation or that situation is "for real" and she just smiles at me and says yes. My sister and I do not speak and I try not to speak to my mother at all if possible. She wont admit to anything.... even though hes gone and most times I don't care. I have a second chance with a family. I am lucky. Thank you again. Marti Dear Kate,
It is with great sadness and relief that I read your story. I call what happened to me terrorrism. My brother also 5 years older terrorized me from my earliest memory. Sometimes I wish he had just hit me, it would have been easier to deal with I think. Although thankfully, there was no sexual abuse, I can still relate to your feelings of helplessness. My family would not then nor now deal with any of it. He committed suicide at 42, and I cant say i was sad. I’m dealing with that guilt now as I approach my own 42nd birthday with great apprehension.

He tried to push me off the roof once, and many times thought he was trying to kill me. He would take things out of my room and then replace them later. He poured 10 lbs of sugar all over my room and I got blamed for it. My mother never once doubted him. I was spanked, beaten, pushed, and told on a daily basis that I was garbage, that mother would never believe me because I was a botched abortion, a mistake. I still live with those feelings today and struggle with fighting them. My sister would play both sides of this and even explained sex to me… which in itself is sick at I think 5 y.o…… If i had any money, it was taken. Anything I showed an interest in or cared for was torn up, or i was put down for it.

I did coke, pot, alcohol, vicadin, you name it. I tried suicide myself 3 times, and failed. And when he shot himself (in the heart….. too vain to blow his head off) I was so angry. Angry because he is now forever the hero to my mother. Angry because I will never hear his admission. It tore the few shreds of our family (if you can call it that) apart. I got clean, and tried to start over.

I am married now. And have 2 wonderful stepchildren. Thankfully my wife is so understanding about this as she is the only person I completely opened up to about. She encouraged me to go online and find other people that have gone through this. I found your site as a result. Thank you so much for writing your story. And I am profoundly grateful and saddened by it.

To this day I am in awe of familys. I realized just last night that I have no idea how this family thing is supposed to work. After this many years I am amazed at how well brothers and sisters really do get along and really do love each other and support each other. I frequently ask my wife is this situation or that situation is “for real” and she just smiles at me and says yes.

My sister and I do not speak and I try not to speak to my mother at all if possible. She wont admit to anything…. even though hes gone and most times I don’t care. I have a second chance with a family. I am lucky.

Thank you again.
Marti

]]> By: Becky http://violenceunsilenced.com/kate-2/#comment-8858 Becky Tue, 23 Feb 2010 09:58:42 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=871#comment-8858 I've had family members try to bury things before, but never anything that serious. I cannot believe they would defend your brother and leave you suffering beyond all reason, including tarnishing your reputation by telling everyone you were a liar. It's hard to make it on your own, without the support of your family. You have done well to cut the dysfunction from your life, and you should be proud. I’ve had family members try to bury things before, but never anything that serious. I cannot believe they would defend your brother and leave you suffering beyond all reason, including tarnishing your reputation by telling everyone you were a liar. It’s hard to make it on your own, without the support of your family. You have done well to cut the dysfunction from your life, and you should be proud.

]]> By: ChurchPunkMom http://violenceunsilenced.com/kate-2/#comment-7851 ChurchPunkMom Wed, 30 Dec 2009 20:48:18 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=871#comment-7851 Wow, Kate. Wow. You are so amazing and brave for sharing your story. I just wanted you to know that you've really helped me today. I was reading through the comments on my own post and you said in yours that you would share your own story.. and here it is. Thank you. Thank you for standing up and speaking out so courageously. Wow, Kate. Wow. You are so amazing and brave for sharing your story. I just wanted you to know that you’ve really helped me today. I was reading through the comments on my own post and you said in yours that you would share your own story.. and here it is. Thank you. Thank you for standing up and speaking out so courageously.

]]> By: Fran http://violenceunsilenced.com/kate-2/#comment-7753 Fran Mon, 21 Dec 2009 20:12:32 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=871#comment-7753 Kate, I'm so glad for you! Your ability to overcome the undermining influence of your "family of origin" speaks volumes about your strength and courage. Your daughter Megan's words of support also testify to your success in breaking free from your painful past. Bless you for sharing your story. I pray that through the sharing of these stories we're able to make the world a better place. Kate, I’m so glad for you! Your ability to overcome the undermining influence of your “family of origin” speaks volumes about your strength and courage. Your daughter Megan’s words of support also testify to your success in breaking free from your painful past. Bless you for sharing your story. I pray that through the sharing of these stories we’re able to make the world a better place.

]]> By: Emily R http://violenceunsilenced.com/kate-2/#comment-7603 Emily R Mon, 14 Dec 2009 02:59:43 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=871#comment-7603 Shit. I am so sorry your family did not stand by you in your courage. Shit. I am so sorry your family did not stand by you in your courage.

]]> By: Jen http://violenceunsilenced.com/kate-2/#comment-7554 Jen Sat, 05 Dec 2009 13:36:23 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=871#comment-7554 Thank you for every word you wrote, for the men and women who read this who will identify will have true hope knowing that you broke the cycle. You are unspeakably brave, and clearly very blessed with a wonderful, loving family of your own now. Thank you for every word you wrote, for the men and women who read this who will identify will have true hope knowing that you broke the cycle. You are unspeakably brave, and clearly very blessed with a wonderful, loving family of your own now.

]]> By: Lillian http://violenceunsilenced.com/kate-2/#comment-7528 Lillian Wed, 02 Dec 2009 23:09:50 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=871#comment-7528 Thank you for having the courage to survive and to share your story. Thank you for having the courage to survive and to share your story.

]]> By: Coco http://violenceunsilenced.com/kate-2/#comment-7521 Coco Wed, 02 Dec 2009 21:29:35 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=871#comment-7521 Kate - I have only just found the strength to comment today. I am so sorry for the abuse you suffered at the hands of Bob, and for the further pain you experienced by your family's insistence on denial, betrayal, and lies rather than support and love and healing. I'm glad you got away. Thank you for telling your story. Kate -

I have only just found the strength to comment today. I am so sorry for the abuse you suffered at the hands of Bob, and for the further pain you experienced by your family’s insistence on denial, betrayal, and lies rather than support and love and healing.

I’m glad you got away. Thank you for telling your story.

]]> By: Al_Pal http://violenceunsilenced.com/kate-2/#comment-7518 Al_Pal Wed, 02 Dec 2009 12:14:32 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=871#comment-7518 God, this was painful to read. I'm appalled by the ways that your birthfamily acted. SO proud of you for speaking out, and detaching yourself from their sickness. Ick. Thank you for sharing. What they did is inexcusable. They'll have a long sentence to serve on the other side, I'm convinced. God, this was painful to read. I’m appalled by the ways that your birthfamily acted.
SO proud of you for speaking out, and detaching yourself from their sickness. Ick.
Thank you for sharing. What they did is inexcusable. They’ll have a long sentence to serve on the other side, I’m convinced.

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