Comments on: “Bob” http://violenceunsilenced.com/bob/ Violence UnSilenced: Shedding light on domestic violence and sexual abuse/assault by giving survivors a voice. Sat, 04 Feb 2012 00:14:38 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: JD http://violenceunsilenced.com/bob/#comment-9389 JD Sun, 28 Mar 2010 12:06:41 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=495#comment-9389 You have suffered... No-one should be put through that, having your children used as a weapon, having your pride as a human being taken from you. Abuse is abuse, regardless of age or gender. I honour you for saying 'no'. I honour you, for publishing this post. And I sincerely hope that you, your children, and your wife, find peace. You have suffered… No-one should be put through that, having your children used as a weapon, having your pride as a human being taken from you. Abuse is abuse, regardless of age or gender.

I honour you for saying ‘no’. I honour you, for publishing this post. And I sincerely hope that you, your children, and your wife, find peace.

]]> By: Tanna http://violenceunsilenced.com/bob/#comment-6141 Tanna Tue, 18 Aug 2009 03:28:55 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=495#comment-6141 Thank you for your courage in sharing this. My parents have been divorced for about 10 years and I'm convinced my father married a woman who abuses him. His entire attitude changed and he became nasty towards his kids. Two of us walked away and haven't spoken with him since and the other will continue to feel the trickle-down effects for a while. Prior to this, he was a kind, gentle, caring man; something is taking a toll and from the little awfulness I witnessed, I hope it's not the tip of the iceberg. Taking care of yourself and living as a good example for your children makes a world of difference, I know. Keep up the good work! Thank you for your courage in sharing this.

My parents have been divorced for about 10 years and I’m convinced my father married a woman who abuses him. His entire attitude changed and he became nasty towards his kids. Two of us walked away and haven’t spoken with him since and the other will continue to feel the trickle-down effects for a while. Prior to this, he was a kind, gentle, caring man; something is taking a toll and from the little awfulness I witnessed, I hope it’s not the tip of the iceberg.

Taking care of yourself and living as a good example for your children makes a world of difference, I know. Keep up the good work!

]]> By: Shelli http://violenceunsilenced.com/bob/#comment-5670 Shelli Thu, 30 Jul 2009 02:00:17 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=495#comment-5670 My boyfriend was, and in some ways is still, being abused by his ex-wife. She has his self-esteem so low that he feels worthless. I thank my studying of social work for being able to understand why he is sometimes unable to be there for me emotionally. I know there is a greiving process he must go through, and I intend to be there for him while he heals. He stayed "because of the kids". I don't think this is always a wise decision. Being in an abusive relationship is NEVER good for the kids. I commend you for being strong enough to tell us your story! Good luck! My boyfriend was, and in some ways is still, being abused by his ex-wife. She has his self-esteem so low that he feels worthless. I thank my studying of social work for being able to understand why he is sometimes unable to be there for me emotionally. I know there is a greiving process he must go through, and I intend to be there for him while he heals.

He stayed “because of the kids”. I don’t think this is always a wise decision. Being in an abusive relationship is NEVER good for the kids. I commend you for being strong enough to tell us your story! Good luck!

]]> By: Liz http://violenceunsilenced.com/bob/#comment-5581 Liz Tue, 21 Jul 2009 23:29:31 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=495#comment-5581 I know that we have the divorce and custody laws that we do because so many women spent so long with the short end of the legal stick, and I'm grateful. But, every time I see a man in the situation of a bad, bad marriage, afraid to leave because he knows he's almost certainly forfeiting his children, I can't help but feel the injustice. Thank you for sharing your experience. I wish you the best. I know that we have the divorce and custody laws that we do because so many women spent so long with the short end of the legal stick, and I’m grateful. But, every time I see a man in the situation of a bad, bad marriage, afraid to leave because he knows he’s almost certainly forfeiting his children, I can’t help but feel the injustice.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I wish you the best.

]]> By: dab http://violenceunsilenced.com/bob/#comment-5394 dab Thu, 09 Jul 2009 05:32:28 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=495#comment-5394 '"Bob" best of luck to you. My brother is only beginning to realize the extent of his wife's manipulation and abuse--I don't know if he'll get to the point of realizing abuse is the word. So much of the crap we all witnessed we would have recognized as abuse had the genders been reversed. She isn't physically violent, but so, so, so manipulative and controlling. I wish I'd spoken up sooner to him, but don't know if he would have listened. ‘”Bob” best of luck to you. My brother is only beginning to realize the extent of his wife’s manipulation and abuse–I don’t know if he’ll get to the point of realizing abuse is the word. So much of the crap we all witnessed we would have recognized as abuse had the genders been reversed. She isn’t physically violent, but so, so, so manipulative and controlling. I wish I’d spoken up sooner to him, but don’t know if he would have listened.

]]> By: C, http://violenceunsilenced.com/bob/#comment-4874 C, Sat, 20 Jun 2009 04:33:52 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=495#comment-4874 "(oh, yes, how could I forget how often she said she would take the house, the children and everything she could from me if I divorced her?) " I have heard those words all too often :( (although it's a he in my situation) stay strong “(oh, yes, how could I forget how often she said she would take the house, the children and everything she could from me if I divorced her?) ”

I have heard those words all too often :( (although it’s a he in my situation) stay strong

]]> By: Heather from DE http://violenceunsilenced.com/bob/#comment-4849 Heather from DE Fri, 19 Jun 2009 18:21:24 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=495#comment-4849 I hope that you continue to stay strong and that you are able to get your kids out of that situation as well. many hugs to you! I hope that you continue to stay strong and that you are able to get your kids out of that situation as well. many hugs to you!

]]> By: Meg http://violenceunsilenced.com/bob/#comment-4834 Meg Fri, 19 Jun 2009 15:43:21 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=495#comment-4834 My dad died when I was 14... but I believe - KNOW - I'm a good mother. I"m sorry you experienced this. Be strong, do what you know is right. Your kids are lucky to have you. My dad died when I was 14… but I believe – KNOW – I’m a good mother. I”m sorry you experienced this. Be strong, do what you know is right. Your kids are lucky to have you.

]]> By: Maura http://violenceunsilenced.com/bob/#comment-4692 Maura Wed, 17 Jun 2009 08:06:01 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=495#comment-4692 Sometimes I'm overwhelmed when visiting here because the courage it takes to tell a story that hurts so much is just huge, and the wisdom, love and caring people express in the comments is heart-swelling. I'm sorry that you have been so hurt like this, Bob. But I'm glad that you're taking back the parts of yourself that have been so battered. Sharing your story reminds of all that we shouldn't make assumptions about gender roles and that we never know what someone else is going through behind closed doors. I wish you nothing but the best as you work your way back to the person you deserve to be. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed when visiting here because the courage it takes to tell a story that hurts so much is just huge, and the wisdom, love and caring people express in the comments is heart-swelling.

I’m sorry that you have been so hurt like this, Bob. But I’m glad that you’re taking back the parts of yourself that have been so battered. Sharing your story reminds of all that we shouldn’t make assumptions about gender roles and that we never know what someone else is going through behind closed doors. I wish you nothing but the best as you work your way back to the person you deserve to be.

]]> By: Bob http://violenceunsilenced.com/bob/#comment-4592 Bob Mon, 15 Jun 2009 20:15:18 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=495#comment-4592 I'm still reading, folks. Thank you so very much. Each one of you are helping me! I am exhausted and working alot. Also getting to spend some time with my children thankfully, despite the separation. Please forgive me for not reaching out to each and every one of you commenting here. But, believe me, this is a huge part of my therapy. Soon, I will be able to reach out to others as you have here. I’m still reading, folks. Thank you so very much. Each one of you are helping me!

I am exhausted and working alot. Also getting to spend some time with my children thankfully, despite the separation. Please forgive me for not reaching out to each and every one of you commenting here.

But, believe me, this is a huge part of my therapy. Soon, I will be able to reach out to others as you have here.

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