This is my story, in all the raw & rough around the edges bits.My name is Sara. I have left my abuser of a decade. That ten years with my ex showed me the need to have resilience, faith, & undying courage. Even before I met him, I was a rape survivor. Then I met him and my world unfolded. Him slamming doors, punching holes in walls; later learning he has become an addict and alcoholic who fails to seek refuge in Detox, that he would not leave me unless I left him.
I have felt threatened, have been threatened & forcefully abused. I have believed lies & blackmail. I have felt worthless & unloved. I spent a decade with a man who showed his “love” with seven evictions in a decade. He stole items from me and my neighbors, friends and co-workers. He is someone who displays stalking & harassing tactics. He controlled when I went to the bathroom. Controlled who I spoke to and also when. Family contact was limited, I was permitted at least to be at the hospital when my loving never-hurt-a-fly Father lost his life to cancer on March 20th 2006. He has thrown me up against hardwood door frames. He has hit, punched and kicked me. He has threatened my life and carried weapons. He spit all over me.
And most of all, my heart said “cannot take this anymore, I must let him go."
He would awaken me by having intercourse with me. He made fun of me because I am a rape survivor. Taunted me with leering glares and lied to me and about me. My abuser checked my e-mails, updated my FaceBook profile and controlled every aspect of my being. Those who never understood, I hope they will some day. His constant drama, excessive stealing and manipulation brought me to feel hopeless and responsible. Part of me still feels the gnawing guilt, but I know I am ready to break free.