Comments on: Aerin http://violenceunsilenced.com/aerin/ Violence UnSilenced: Shedding light on domestic violence and sexual abuse/assault by giving survivors a voice. Wed, 08 Feb 2012 23:32:24 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker http://violenceunsilenced.com/aerin/#comment-23093 Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker Wed, 23 Feb 2011 06:54:59 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=1105#comment-23093 Aerin, You are a beautiful soul and a strong lady who deserves to feel loved. Your husband's love is a blessing. Hang on to his love until you can learn to love yourself. The next time that you are an advocate for a woman who has been raped, listen to everything that you tell that woman and know that you are telling yourself the same true things. None of what happened when you were in your first marriage was your fault. Yes, your husband was a sick. That was not your fault either. The name that I want to call your ex-husband I won't because, as my husband often reminds me, ladies don't talk that way. As for what your friends said, they don't have a clue. It is not better to be raped by someone that you know. My uncle and dad both raped me when I was 11 years old, maybe a lot younger. Being raped by someone that you know adds betrayal of the worst kind on top of the emotional and physical abuse of being raped. Betrayal by someone who is supposed to love you is much worse than being raped by a stranger who could care less about who you are. Having someone who says he loves you rape you is one of the worst hurts that you will ever experience. As you told me earlier tonight, believe in yourself. You are worth having your own love and respect. Tell that inner critic voice that says you are not lovable to just shut up. You are loved and lovable and worthy of being loved. Your husband isn't a fool. He sees the person who wants so badly to be loved that she has made some bad choices when she was younger and, as he said, he loves you anyway. Believe him. If he didn't love you, he would have left. Don't make him keep proving that he loves you. Just believe him. You can do that. It is just a choice that you can make over and over again each day until you finally accept his love and start to believe him. He is a good man. Don't push him away. Aerin, You are a beautiful soul and a strong lady who deserves to feel loved. Your husband’s love is a blessing. Hang on to his love until you can learn to love yourself. The next time that you are an advocate for a woman who has been raped, listen to everything that you tell that woman and know that you are telling yourself the same true things. None of what happened when you were in your first marriage was your fault. Yes, your husband was a sick. That was not your fault either. The name that I want to call your ex-husband I won’t because, as my husband often reminds me, ladies don’t talk that way.

As for what your friends said, they don’t have a clue. It is not better to be raped by someone that you know. My uncle and dad both raped me when I was 11 years old, maybe a lot younger. Being raped by someone that you know adds betrayal of the worst kind on top of the emotional and physical abuse of being raped. Betrayal by someone who is supposed to love you is much worse than being raped by a stranger who could care less about who you are. Having someone who says he loves you rape you is one of the worst hurts that you will ever experience.

As you told me earlier tonight, believe in yourself. You are worth having your own love and respect. Tell that inner critic voice that says you are not lovable to just shut up. You are loved and lovable and worthy of being loved. Your husband isn’t a fool. He sees the person who wants so badly to be loved that she has made some bad choices when she was younger and, as he said, he loves you anyway. Believe him. If he didn’t love you, he would have left. Don’t make him keep proving that he loves you. Just believe him. You can do that. It is just a choice that you can make over and over again each day until you finally accept his love and start to believe him. He is a good man. Don’t push him away.

]]> By: Amy http://violenceunsilenced.com/aerin/#comment-11717 Amy Wed, 15 Dec 2010 16:22:53 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=1105#comment-11717 Aerin, I think we're sisters under the skin. My situation lasted a much shorter time than yours, but I understood your reactions and as I read your story I could see myself in you. My abuser also told me that I was the only one who could "make him lose control". This was his attempt to make it my fault; he admitted to me later that he had beaten both his wives, though he never admitted to raping either of them. My abuser told me the night I left that what he did to me was okay because he loved me, and I should forgive him because his rage came out of his love. Twisted bastard. That's what makes it so sickening - how can men we love, who profess to love us too, hurt us this way? They are the ones who are damaged, who are wrong, who are at fault. I'm glad you've learned that. Take gentle care, Amy Aerin,
I think we’re sisters under the skin. My situation lasted a much shorter time than yours, but I understood your reactions and as I read your story I could see myself in you. My abuser also told me that I was the only one who could “make him lose control”. This was his attempt to make it my fault; he admitted to me later that he had beaten both his wives, though he never admitted to raping either of them.

My abuser told me the night I left that what he did to me was okay because he loved me, and I should forgive him because his rage came out of his love. Twisted bastard. That’s what makes it so sickening – how can men we love, who profess to love us too, hurt us this way? They are the ones who are damaged, who are wrong, who are at fault. I’m glad you’ve learned that.

Take gentle care,
Amy

]]> By: Louise http://violenceunsilenced.com/aerin/#comment-11372 Louise Mon, 06 Dec 2010 23:03:11 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=1105#comment-11372 "I never did it to anyone else, so doesn’t that mean it had to be at least partly your fault?” Excuse me Aerin while I take a blood pressure pill. No, it was NOT your fault - I've heard some perpetrator excuses but that's an effing doozie. I am so glad that you survived and now have a measure of peace, sister - and I am totally with you in the frustration with people thinking partner rape is somehow "easier" Warm Regards, Louise “I never did it to anyone else, so doesn’t that mean it had to be at least partly your fault?” Excuse me Aerin while I take a blood pressure pill. No, it was NOT your fault – I’ve heard some perpetrator excuses but that’s an effing doozie.

I am so glad that you survived and now have a measure of peace, sister – and I am totally with you in the frustration with people thinking partner rape is somehow “easier”

Warm Regards,

Louise

]]> By: Aerin Catherine http://violenceunsilenced.com/aerin/#comment-27424 Aerin Catherine Thu, 04 Nov 2010 17:51:08 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=1105#comment-27424 <span class="topsy_trackback_comment"><span class="topsy_twitter_username"><span class="topsy_trackback_content">RT @flux613: "On gd days, I allow myself 2 C that it’s okay 2 B devastated after being violated so intimately..." http://bit.ly/dzsMkc via @ToHealTheSoul</span></span> RT @flux613: "On gd days, I allow myself 2 C that it’s okay 2 B devastated after being violated so intimately…" http://bit.ly/dzsMkc via @ToHealTheSoul

]]> By: flux613 http://violenceunsilenced.com/aerin/#comment-27425 flux613 Thu, 04 Nov 2010 12:30:32 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=1105#comment-27425 <span class="topsy_trackback_comment"><span class="topsy_twitter_username"><span class="topsy_trackback_content">"On gd days, I allow myself 2 C that it’s okay 2 B devastated after being violated so intimately..." http://bit.ly/dzsMkc via @ToHealTheSoul</span></span> "On gd days, I allow myself 2 C that it’s okay 2 B devastated after being violated so intimately…" http://bit.ly/dzsMkc via @ToHealTheSoul

]]> By: Casey http://violenceunsilenced.com/aerin/#comment-11118 Casey Tue, 05 Oct 2010 16:33:18 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=1105#comment-11118 Aerin, I just have to say that I was totally in shock to learn of this. Even now, it's hard to type with tears in my eyes. But, it certainly does not change my feeling towards you or my friendship with you. I must also tell you that I am so proud of all that you have accomplished with your life and your business. You have an amazing husband and three great kids...and most importantly, you are a child of God and He loves you very much. Always keep in mind that you are a true treasure to Him....You go girl!!! Love, Casey Aerin,

I just have to say that I was totally in shock to learn of this. Even now, it’s hard to type with tears in my eyes. But, it certainly does not change my feeling towards you or my friendship with you. I must also tell you that I am so proud of all that you have accomplished with your life and your business. You have an amazing husband and three great kids…and most importantly, you are a child of God and He loves you very much. Always keep in mind that you are a true treasure to Him….You go girl!!!

Love,
Casey

]]> By: Greta http://violenceunsilenced.com/aerin/#comment-11117 Greta Tue, 05 Oct 2010 16:19:07 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=1105#comment-11117 Oh my gosh Aerin, I knew it ended badly, but I had no idea. You are so brave for posting your story. I'm sure you have given strength to many women in the same situation. Look at all you have accomplished by leaving! You should be very proud of yourself and know that you deserve the love and friendships you have now. I know I grew up in La La Land, and things like this didn't happen to people I know, sadly I am wrong.Thanks for sharing. Oh my gosh Aerin, I knew it ended badly, but I had no idea. You are so brave for posting your story. I’m sure you have given strength to many women in the same situation. Look at all you have accomplished by leaving! You should be very proud of yourself and know that you deserve the love and friendships you have now. I know I grew up in La La Land, and things like this didn’t happen to people I know, sadly I am wrong.Thanks for sharing.

]]> By: patriciasinglet http://violenceunsilenced.com/aerin/#comment-27129 patriciasinglet Mon, 30 Aug 2010 04:09:30 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=1105#comment-27129 <span class="topsy_trackback_comment"><span class="topsy_twitter_username"><span class="topsy_trackback_content">RT @ToHealTheSoul: My story was posted on Violence UnSilenced a while back... http://bit.ly/aErU7n</span></span> RT @ToHealTheSoul: My story was posted on Violence UnSilenced a while back… http://bit.ly/aErU7n

]]> By: Aerin Catherine http://violenceunsilenced.com/aerin/#comment-27130 Aerin Catherine Thu, 26 Aug 2010 01:15:36 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=1105#comment-27130 <span class="topsy_trackback_comment"><span class="topsy_twitter_username"><span class="topsy_trackback_content">My story was posted on Violence UnSilenced a while back... http://bit.ly/aErU7n</span></span> My story was posted on Violence UnSilenced a while back… http://bit.ly/aErU7n

]]> By: Traci http://violenceunsilenced.com/aerin/#comment-10758 Traci Fri, 30 Jul 2010 01:26:06 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=1105#comment-10758 I admire your strength in sharing your story with such honesty. I am deeply sorry for the cruelty you have suffered, there is no way on this earth you are to blame or deserving of such inhumane treatment. You are worthy and deserving of love and a happy life. I hope you continue to heal & life brings you the many beautiful things you deserve xo I admire your strength in sharing your story with such honesty. I am deeply sorry for the cruelty you have suffered, there is no way on this earth you are to blame or deserving of such inhumane treatment. You are worthy and deserving of love and a happy life. I hope you continue to heal & life brings you the many beautiful things you deserve xo

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